On ‘Being Present’— Fire the Slow Walkers?

It goes back to the time when I was working for one of the world’s largest consumer goods companies in Europe, a British sales director delivered a rather provocative speech in one of our annual meetings. He said passionately, ‘When I hire someone, I first look at how the fellow walks. A proactive and efficient walk shows the right attitude.’ and then he continued in a more infuriated tone, ‘I really cannot stand those who still walk like an old man when our business is in such a bad shape! I would fire all the slow walkers if I could!’ Even after some years I still remember his speech vividly as it caused quite a stir in a company where controversies are rarely encouraged. Noteworthy was his intention that he wished to lift the team’s spirit in a downturn. Nevertheless, I could not stop wondering, is speed destined to deliver more success? Does ‘the faster the better’ always work?

If you divide a day into two zones: fast and slow, taking away sleeping time, how much of your day is in the ‘slow zone’? The answers from many of my high-paid and well educated friends are either very little or almost none! Indeed, how could it not be? How can we slow down when life is short and there is so much to achieve? How can we hold back when expectations are piling up and we ought to give our best to each and every one? No chances to brake, as we bury ourselves into the endless emails, messages, meetings and news. It seems as if the only way to survive our own standards is to go faster and do more. Little did we notice, the magnitude of the fast-paced life has already altered our language, our emotion and our body.

In order to communicate faster, the way we speak has becoming more down-to-earth and direct. Gone are the days of poems, rhetoric, and story-telling. All that is left are bullet points and abbreviations; even lovers are chatting in imperative sentences. Language has retreated to its most primitive use, and becoming nothing but a means of message exchange. A dear friend of mine, who used to love to write, had the lovely habit of sending a delicate poem on my birthday each year. After she became a mum of two, the poetic surprise turned into WeChat emoji.

Due to the fast pace, we spend most of our days in highly energetic and tense moods. Laughter and humour come only occasionally, and snap by like the sunshine in London. The feeling of satisfaction is becoming a rare treat, and it takes more to please oneself each time one achieves. A colleague was awarded a high prize after years of hard work. And just after a quick burst of excitement, his face turned cloudy and he mumbled in disappointment, ‘Oh dear, what do I have to do to get this prize again next year?’ Another friend, who is a renowned ‘successful millionaire’, can never stop complaining about the pressure of money making. The story he always carries around sounds like, ‘My friends in investment makes billions in a finger snap, and I must think of something to not lose face!’

In order to go faster, our body has adapted into a wind-resistant posture. Observing the passing office workers during the morning rush around CBD area, you will notice a peculiar phenomenon that they walk in an identical manner: their upper bodies lean forward by around 15 degrees, necks stretched out, and heels slightly off the ground, as if they were shaped by a gust of wind from behind. Then look at their facial expression, brows locked, eyes narrowed, looking straight ahead, as if they were summoned by an ‘impossible mission’. In ontological coaching, we call this kind of posture ‘the disposition of resolution’. It carries determination and stimulates a momentum to charge forward. The disposition of resolution offers us the courage to fight off whatever is in our way; however, if we remain in resolution for long, we will inevitably feel exhausted and anxious, and leave damage to our body and mind.

This kind of fast pace keeps us focused on the next goal, the next destination, leaving us in the future tense. Living in the future can make us feel hopeful and drive us to go forward, but it also has its reverse side. The future is full of unknowns and uncertainties, making us feel lost and anxious from time to time. When confronting those complex and enormous threats such as global health pandemic or environmental catastrophes, we can end up feeling overwhelmed and helpless. In this era when the media acts as the agent of negativity and gloominess, these unconstructive thoughts have become shadowing ghosts that follow us around unwelcomely.

The fast pace not only takes control of our own body and mind, but is also highly contagious. From morning till night, we push our children and loved ones around, not willing to forgive their ‘slowness’. Has there been one morning when you did not say to your kids, ‘Hurry up, babe! It’s late, and can’t you swallow faster?’ How many evenings when your loved ones felt like unloading something off their mind while you drove them away impatiently, ‘Please keep it short my dear, I still have tons to do.’ And how many times in the elevator you replied to the friendly lady in the fewest words possible? Gradually, our conversations became boring and dull. The you, once cheerful and outgoing, are starting to be seen as reserved and quiet.

According to the science of Happiness, this kind of fast pace are one of the leading factors causing a decline of happiness among high-paid and well educated urban dwellers. To regain happiness, the secret healing recipe is precisely—SLOW!

The slow here is not tardy or sluggish, nor procrastinate or lazy.

The slow here is steady and calm, is tender and gentle.

The slow here is about rest, not any kind of rest, but the key is to rest ‘mindfully’.  And the key words of a mindful rest are: gradualness, relaxation, concentration, observation, perception, acceptance, and self-love.

Hop onto a quiet and winding path on your way from work, slow down your footsteps, and let go of things on your mind. For the next five minutes, and just for the time being, tell yourself to ignore the unfinished emails, and turn off any notifications and reminders. Take full advantage of this precious moment that belongs to you one-hundred percent. Now close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then exhale slowly. Pay close attention to your breathing, feel it slowly rising from the depth of the abdomen. Start noticing what you are sensing at that moment, capture the smells and sounds around you, feel the breeze softly crusting your skin. Gently open your eyes and look around with curiosity, notice anything that draws your attention and anything that you have not seen before. Take a few steps, slowly and casually, keep your attention on your breathing and your body sensations. Recognize the thoughts and emotions come across your mind, accept them without judging. If you start to feel tense at any moment, pause to take a deep breath, and tune back to your breathing. When approaching the end of the walk, ritualistically, congratulate yourself for every small discovery you have made, thank yourself for your brilliant senses, great perception and adaptability. And finally take a bow gracefully, bow to the magical nature and life.

What described above is called ‘Mindful Walking’— a form of ‘Mindfulness’ practice that became prevalent in the West since the 70s. Mindfulness is a kind of psychological healing concept, rooted in Buddhism’s meditation, and combined with the learning from Western popular psychology. According to professor Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founding father of mindful healing, mindfulness means ‘paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally’. Daniel J. Siegel, a renowned American professor of psychiatry, explained mindfulness in a more general sense: ‘it is about waking up from a life on automatic, and being sensitive to novelty in our everyday experience.’ Among all the definitions, personally I prefer the Chinese translation of mindfulness, written as ‘正念’. ‘正’ stands for positive and unbiased, and ‘念’ is a combination of two characters — ‘今’ and ‘心’  — the former means the present, and the latter means heart. Joining all together, it implies tuning to the present with a positive and unbiased heart. How rich and concise the Chinese language is!

Studies have shown that practicing mindfulness, even for just a few weeks, can bring a variety of physical, psychological, and social benefits. Physically, practicing mindfulness can help to boost our immune system and improve sleep quality; it can also strengthen some of the brain functions linking to memory, attention skills, and decision-making. Psychologically, practicing mindfulness can help us to reduce stress and anxiety, hence making us feeling lighter and more positive. Socially, mindfulness fosters compassion and altruism, and can enhance our relationships. Moreover, evidences show that mindful people are less judgemental of themselves; they may also show up as more confident, with higher self-esteem and more self-compassion.

There are many forms of mindfulness practices, and most of them can be interspersed in our daily life. The most common choices for beginners, in addition to the ‘mindful walking’ described above, include ‘sitting meditation’, ‘mindful eating’, and ‘mindful listening’. ‘Sitting meditation’ bears high resemblance to Buddhism’s meditation, and the essence here is to focus on one’s breathing and physical sensations; pay attention to one’s thoughts and be compassionate to oneself. ‘Mindful eating’, in a nut shell, is oriented around the sensorial stimulation when interacting with food bit by bit, and cherish the food offered by nature with gratitude. The core of ‘mindful listening’ is about being fully presence when listening to others, and accept what one has heard without judgment. Each type of practice has its own unique meanings and benefits. Doing a variety of mindfulness practices can inspire us across many different settings in our work and life.

One of my favourite mindfulness practice is mindful walking. Besides helping me to lift my moods, it also led to many interesting discoveries. Just to name a few, I once found a ‘hidden’ zoo cared by amateur animal lovers, a ‘secret’ garden maintained by a shared community, a whole piece of Berlin wall hidden in the jungle, and a few intriguing sculptures. Every discovery is a thrilling journey that wipes away worries and fears, stimulates curiosity and imagination, and cultivates gratitude, to nature and to life!

The rhythm of mindfulness is ‘slow’. Slow connects and harmonizes our body, language and emotion. Slow creates new possibilities in the present moment. Slow cherishes and enriches every minute and every second. Slow brings us back to ‘now’. Go slow is to go faster.

Embark on, slowly, one deep breath at a time….

Reference:

1. The Greater Good Magazine, UC Berkeley, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness/definition#what-is-mindfulness https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/walking_meditation
2. Scott Coady, Veronica Olalla, Dispositions for Powerful Presence, Newfield Network, Inc.

Photo source:

1. https://www.niemanlab.org/2013/11/sharing-fast-and-slow-the-psychological-connection-between-how-we-think-and-how-we-spread-news-on-social-media/ 
2. 123RF.com
3. https://happinessandbeyond.com/2017/09/20/mindful-walking-a-way-to-meditate-while-you-walk/
4. https://www.yogajournal.com/meditation/up-level-your-happiness
5. Shutterstock

对“活在当下”的思考：裁掉走路慢的人？

记得在一家全球快消品公司的欧洲总部工作的时候，一位英国籍的销售高管在一次年度总结会上慷慨激昂说道：“我雇人时先看他走路的速度，走路快是一种积极的态度，雷厉风行给人前进的动力。生意不好时我们更要走得快一些，我认为这时候还慢吞吞磨磨蹭蹭的都应该被裁掉！” 这种直截了当又富挑动性的言论在宝洁这样中规中矩的环境里很是稀奇，引起场下不小的躁动，也让人印象格外深刻。此番言论的出发点是值得认可的，他希望团队在逆境中能振奋精神，拿出拼搏的能动力。但“快人、快事、快节奏”就一定能提高业绩吗？“快”一定更好的吗？

如果你把一天划分为快与慢两个区域，除去睡眠，会有几成在慢区？在我身边的知性精英们的回答往往是一成甚至零！是啊，我们都太忙了，有做不完的报告报表，有回不完的邮件微信，有开不完的会谈会议，有看不完的新闻信息。青春短暂，要做到年轻有为，就要不断提高远近的目标、要不间断地跟时间赛跑，似乎只有跑到更快、做的更多才能在我们给自己定制的标准里生存。这种紧张的快节奏透过我们的语言、情绪和身体传递出来。

为了快，我们的语言变得愈加精炼、直白。微信里百般缩写省略，邮件里各种要点列表。忽略了修辞比喻，淡忘了诗词歌赋，连情侣间也惯用了祈使句。语言回归到了她最原始最纯粹的用途，仅剩下了传递信息的载体。一个喜欢写诗作词的朋友，之前我每年过生日时都会用雅致的贺卡寄来一首小诗。而今，做了两个宝宝妈妈的她把祝福简化成了微信的表情包。

因为快，我们的情绪在高低错落间快速地切换，紧张激进的主旋律中，偶尔的幽默笑谈，也不过是三秒钟的阳光，弹指而过。开心变得越来越难得，需要不断地征服突破，才能得到一点点短暂的满足。一个同事经过多年的努力终于拿到了业绩评选的大奖，他接过奖杯兴奋了一下，马上一脸阴云地说：“唉，我得怎么做明年才能再得奖啊！” 还有一个被公认为成功人士的年薪千万的总裁朋友，见面就抱怨赚钱压力太大，他常挂在嘴边的话就是：“人家做投资的一赚就是几个亿，我不添几个零就得退出江湖了”。

为了快，我们走路的姿态从少男少女欢快的小跳步变形为步履匆匆的赶路人。每天早高峰时在CBD的办公楼前观察，会看到赶时间的白领们有个奇特的一致，他们的上身都会向前倾斜15度左右，脖子略微探出，脚跟稍离地面，像是被一股骤风从背后定了型。再看他们表情严肃，眉头稍锁，两眼微眯，直视前方，彷佛被重要的使命召唤着。在本体论教练中，这种姿态被称为“决心态”（the disposition of resolution)。它凝聚了一种不达目的不罢休的态度，激发着一股向前冲锋的动量。决心态给予我们勇气和斗志，但如果一直保持在高能量的决心态中，我们不免会感到紧张、疲惫，甚至会因焦躁而失眠，给身心带来严重的负面影响。

这种快把我们时刻锁定在下一个目标、下一个目的地，让我们活在未来。未来充满了未知与不确定性，常常会让我们迷茫和焦虑。对于那些庞大而复杂的危险和威胁，我们又会感到愤怒和无助。活在未来在给予我们希望与前进的动力的同时，也附带着很多负面的压力，特别是在这个媒体舆论里充满未来威胁论的时代，这些负面想法成了驱赶不走的阴魂。

这种快不光占据了我们自己的身心，还具有强烈的传染性。我们从早到晚催促着孩子、爱人，对别人的“慢”不依不饶。有哪个早上你没有对孩子说“宝贝快点儿，要迟到了，你不能吃得再快点儿吗”。有多少个晚饭后爱人想倾诉些心事，你却不耐烦地说“亲爱的你长话短说吧，我还有不少事儿要忙”。还有多少次电梯里你用最简短的字眼搪塞邻居阿姨的问候…… 慢慢的，我们的对话变得单调乏味，原本外向开朗的你开始被身边的人称作内敛寡言。

风靡了西方几十年的幸福学研究表明，这种种的快是导致当代高收入人群幸福感下降的主导因素之一，而疗愈的方法的精髓恰恰是—慢！

这里的慢，不是散慢、怠慢，不是懒惰、拖延，不是慢慢吞吞，更不是慢不经心。

这里的慢，是不紧不慢，是慢条斯理，是轻吞慢吐，是慢声细语。

这里的慢，是关于休整，但不是随便的休整，重点在于如何去休整。“慢休整”的关键词是缓慢、放松、专注、观察、感知、接纳、自爱。

在下班途中改换一条谧静而蜿蜒的小路，放慢脚步，放下心事，在接下来的五分钟里暂时忘记家人的需求，忽略没回完的邮件，关掉手机的通知提醒，告诉自己这五分钟100%完全属于你。闭上眼，深深地吸一口气，再释怀地慢慢呼出，让意念跟随着呼吸，从腹腔深处徐徐地上升扩散。慢慢张开你的感官，捕捉周围的气味、声音，感受微风轻触着裸露的肌肤，感受脚尖碾着铺满落叶的泥土。张开双眼，慢慢地观察四周的景物，有什么新的发现，有什么引起你的好奇。缓缓地迈开步子，放松地走一小段，一小段足矣。让注意力持续地关注在自己的呼吸、感觉，对周围的景致和行人保持好奇和接纳。温柔地接受自己的每一个感受和想法，不加评判，不论对错。如果紧张急迫的感觉复燃，马上停驻，深呼吸，把注意力调整回自己的呼吸。在慢休整结束之前，带有仪式感地恭喜自己的每一个细小的发现和收获，感激自己健康敏感的感官，洞察力和适应力，感激自然，感激生命。

以上描述的被我称为“慢休整”一段练习，既是从上世纪七十年代开始流行于欧美知性界的“正念”（Mindfulness）修炼的一种—“正念漫步”（Mindful walking）。

“正念”（Mindfulness） 是西方学者从东方的佛教和禅文化中的冥想、静观、修行等汲取精髓，再与西方的流行心理学结合而成的一种心理疗愈法。引用Mindfulness的鼻祖Jon Kabat-Zinn教授的定义，Mindfulness 的意思是以一种特定的方式来觉察：在当下，有目的地，不去定义是非对错地觉察，是人的思想不再漫无目的地发散、妄想，而是把内在和外在的意识体验专注于当下的事物。美国著名精神分析理论学者Daniel J. Siegel 从更广义的角度解读Mindfulness，他认为mindfulness让人们从机械的生活中清醒，开始敏感度去体验每一天赋予的新奇。比起欧美学者的定义，我更偏爱Mindfulness的中文翻译“正念”：正取义积极的、不偏不倚的，念恰是一颗心上落着一个今字，组合起来即是用积极的、不偏不倚的心态来关心当下，汉字的精炼丰富可见一斑！

正念修炼的好处是层出不穷的，众多学者的研究证明，几周的短暂修炼就可以带来生理、心理和社交等多重的益处。在生理上，正念修炼有助于提高免疫力和睡眠质量；它能改善大脑的功能，增强注意力、记忆力、决策力和情感管理的能力。在心理上，正念修炼能帮助我们释放压力，抵抗焦虑和抑郁，增加乐观积极的心态。在社交上，正念修炼能激发我们对他人的理解、宽容和博爱，增进感情，提高交际能力和深度；同时，它还能帮助我们正视自己，善待自己，提高自信心、自尊心和自我价值感。这众多的益处都恰是抵御快节奏的信息社会抛给我们的种种烦恼误区的秒方良药。综合起来，正念修炼能让我们从生活的点点滴滴中获得持久的幸福感，它的价值不言而喻。

正念修炼有多种形式，而且大多都可以穿插在我们的日常生活作息中。初尝者最常选用的除了上面的“正念漫步”之外还包括“静坐冥想（sitting meditation）”，“正念进食（mindful eating）”，和“正念倾听（mindful listening）”等。”静坐冥想”很接近佛教中的打坐，核心是在可短可长的静坐中关注呼吸、感官，倾听自己，善待自己。“正念进食”简而言之是关注与食物的每一个细节互动的感官刺激，以感激而满足的心态善待自然馈赠给我们的美食。而“正念倾听”的精要则是全神贯注且充满好奇地倾听对方，放下自己脑中的声音，对别人的分享不加评判地接受。每一种修炼都有它独特的意义，越多元化地修炼，越可以让正念的启发渗透到我们为人处事的多重情境，受益良多。

我最钟爱的修炼是正念漫步。正念漫步不仅能帮我有效地调节情绪，还让我在生活和旅行中不断发现惊喜，感叹自然和人文的丰富。仅在上下班途中的修炼，我就发现过一个藏珍纳奇的社区动物园，一个精致多姿的共享花圃，一块藏身密林的柏林墙断片，还有多处富有意趣的雕塑和诗刻。每一次发现都是一次快乐的旅程，会暂时忘记纷扰和杂念，会放下计较和迷惑，会感叹自然和人类的创造力，会激起寻觅的动力，会感激生活的馈赠！

正念的主旋律是慢，慢让我们的身体、语言和情感连接交融，慢给此时此刻带来无限的生机与可能，慢让每一分每一秒都无比充盈、弥足珍贵。慢让我们回归当下。慢是为了更好地快。

请，慢走，从一个深呼吸开始……