The Antidote to Lingering Tiredness

Sometimes, life can feel tiring. 

Like waking up in the morning but reluctant to face the day. 

Like an invisible haze covering the sky, persisting to linger.

 

Tiredness can come from all sorts of spaces. 

Sometimes it is the fatigue from being perpetually busy and stressed. 

Sometimes it is the heaviness from shouldering momentous responsibilities and risks.

Sometimes it is a suppressed feeling from not being understood.

Or sometimes it is the anxiety from worrying about the uncertain future. 

As if the older we are, the more social responsibilities we have, and the higher standards we hold, the more frequent, violent, and long-lasting "tiredness monsoons” hit us.

 

Many people don’t know that the most lethal are usually not those direct causes ---- back-to-back meetings, performance targets, change management ---- do not impose enough threats to capable and driven leaders. What makes us “fall” is often the way we treat ourselves when encountering negative feelings.

 

"Look at those young guys, they never get tired; I have to be harder on myself!"

"A more experienced general manager would have solved the issue like child’s play.  I am just not qualified to be the general manager."

"I tried everything I can think of but couldn't change the leader's mind. I feel like a failure."

"This is my only chance to prove myself. If I fail, I will have no future. I am so scared.”

 

Our criticism, blame and oppression of ourselves are the "deadly weapons" that make us sink deeper and deeper into dead ends. 

The antidote to tiredness is “lightness”

 

Lightening your mind – Power the Alpha wave

There are two very important brainwaves in all humans ---- Alpha wave and Beta wave. Alpha wave is low frequency and slow. It takes over the brain when we are relaxed and happy, stimulating our imaginations and creativity. Beta wave is high frequency and fast. It gets triggered when we are tense and concentrated, getting us ready for “fight or fleet”. When we are dominated by Beta wave for a long time, our brain gets exhausted and stiff. And only by physically relax the brain can we wake up a flash of wisdom and begin to see new possibilities. So, give yourself permission to relax, not to be languid, but to let out the most creative self!

 

Lightening the weight of things – Beware of “The Impact Bias”

We often say "don't take things too seriously" to comfort others, but it gets harder to let go in our own cases. There is a cognitive bias in psychology called "The Impact Bias", referring to the tendency for people to overestimate the length or the intensity of future emotional states. For example, when our promotion application failed to materialize, we tend to believe that the dissatisfaction will last for a long time, and what happened now will seriously affect our future development. The truth is, often when we look back at the “downs” in the past, they don’t seem to carry the weight we imagined at that time. Sometimes, there could even be a blessing in disguise. 

 

Lightening the weight of your ego – Fire your “Lone Hero”

Many of us have a little "superhero" residing inside, hoping for the day when we can pull the tide and save the world. The higher we climb, the more power we hold, the closer we feel to the role of a “superhero”.  To reinforce that, numerous history books and film works continue to amplify the glory of individual heroism. This kind of mentality seems appealing, however, if we don’t master the “balance”, it can lead to exaggeration of our influence on the results. In one way, it can make us stuck from feeling afraid of making mistakes; in another way, it can also make us over-confident in our own judgement and refuse to see other possibilities. 

 

How to see ourselves in a balanced way? Well, everyone is a node in a complex system that is constantly evolving. Some have more influence, and some have less; whilst no one can exist without the system, and the development of the system cannot be mutated due to someone’s will. Only when we let go the role of "superhero" and return to the nature of human society, recognizing the inevitable importance of collaboration and our symbiotic relationship with each other, and focusing on cultivating the power of groups, can a healthy systematic change take place.

 

The Antidote to Tiredness is Self-Compassion

When our child comes back from school and snuggles up to the parent with a tired face, we show our gentle care by asking: "What's the matter, baby? Go and have a rest, and deal with your homework later." The odd thing is, when we feel exhausted from a hectic day, instead of giving us hug or love, we often beat ourselves up by saying: "How come I am tired already? I should be tougher!", "I should have worked more productively last weekend.", "My boss can take up so much, why couldn’t I?"... Are adults not worthy to be cared for? When we are busy meeting others’ needs and expectations, who will take care of us?

 

On the “stress curve”, the distance from "anxiety" to "burn out" is often much shorter than many people think. If one can't recover from anxiety and fatigue in time, it runs into the risk of “karoshi (overwork death)” ---- a tragedy that occurs more among younger workforces nowadays. 

 

We often see talented athletes competing fiercely and persistently in world class games, but what we don't see is the time and effort they spend in "recovery" after the matches. No good recovery, no good games. Our "ruthless" criticism of ourselves not only did not help us to rest and recover in time, but added more pressure and anxiety.

 

Self-compassion essentially is being kind to ourselves. Be kind to ourselves is to treat ourselves like our dearest friend, accept our imperfections, and forgive ourselves. No matter how stormy life gets, always be our own save haven, keep a piece of blue sky inside where we can breathe and rest. Because love and kindness are like water source, only when the heart is full, can there be enough to give.

 

The Antidote to Tiredness is Finding the Stillness Inside  

When life gets tiring, we yearn for the state of peacefulness and worry-free, which seems to be only enjoyed by saints and masters of Zen, and out of reach for the ordinary. In truth and only if you are willing to believe, there is a “field of stillness” inside every heart where our “true self” (or “essence”) lies. Our true self is whole, compassionate, and present. It cannot be fully described by our limited languages. 

 

In contrast to our essence lies our "egoic self". Ego is active on the surface of our consciousness; it is our "identity" constructed by our thoughts. Ego is “fleeting, temporary, and incomplete” (Tolle, 2003). Ego is insecure and needs to constantly prove its worth from external to maintain a sense of existence. When it fails to prove its value, it could fall to the believe of being the "victim" of external circumstance, or feel "lost" and struggle to find reasons for the negative feelings.

 

Spiritual master Eckhart Tolle has a succinct and profound interpretation for "inner peace", he said, "The equivalent of external noise is the inner noise of thinking. The equivalent of external silence is inner stillness.” Most of the time our thoughts and ideas are constructed by our consciousness ---- right or wrong, good or bad ---- are all fictional standards created by someone. When we can understand and accept that it is just a thought, like any other thoughts, we find liberation.

 

When we learn to separate ego from our essence, and let the true self lead, we find the ultimate antidote to tiredness. In Tolle’s classic words, “You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level."

(Pictures from Unsplash)

Author:

Dannie Zhuang is an executive coach and leadership development consultant at Linkage Asia, a certified coach by the International Coach Federation, and spent her earlier career in wide-ranging international positions in P&G and Unilever. Growing up in China, she lived and worked in UK, Switzerland, and now residing in Singapore with her husband and a little one.