THRIVE FROM WITHIN

“Working hard for something we do not care about is called stress, working hard for something we love is called passion.”   — Start With WHY by Simon Sinek When The "WHAT Search" No Longer Helps   Have you ever had a strange time when nothing on the job search APP makes your heart pumping anymore? Not even the most reputable company names or the biggest job titles? That bewildering feeling happened to me a few years ago. For weeks, I stared blandly at the pages and pages of job descriptions on Linkedin and felt frustrated with why none of them excited me even just a little. A crisis forged inside. I couldn’t stop asking what was wrong with me? Have I lost the drive to move up in career? Or was I being too arrogant? But none of the explanations made any sense back then…    Now looking back at that stance, I can see what the problem was — the old story of “why I do what I do”, which was a blend of the stories told by my ex-employer and professionals liked me, suddenly ...

Sometimes, life can feel tiring.  Like waking up in the morning but reluctant to face the day.  Like an invisible haze covering the sky, persisting to linger.   Tiredness can come from all sorts of spaces.  Sometimes it is the fatigue from being perpetually busy and stressed.  Sometimes it is the heaviness from shouldering momentous responsibilities and risks. Sometimes it is a suppressed feeling from not being understood. Or sometimes it is the anxiety from worrying about the uncertain future.  As if the older we are, the more social responsibilities we have, and the higher standards we hold, the more frequent, violent, and long-lasting "tiredness monsoons” hit us.   Many people don’t know that the most lethal are usually not those direct causes ---- back-to-back meetings, performance targets, change management ---- do not impose enough threats to capable and driven leaders.  What makes us “fall” is often the way we treat ourselves when encounter...

New year comes with new aspirations. You could be thinking of having a healthier lifestyle, starting a family, or making a career change. Almost at the same time as you declare the goals, doubts tagged along.  Am I being too ambitious? I didn’t manage to do it last year, will I succeed this time? I have so many ideas, which one to prioritize?...   The most enlightening habit change insight I've come across is from James Clear, the author of New York Time's best-selling book Atomic Habit, he said " You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems."    "Your system is the collection of daily habits that you follow", and your goals are the output of what you put into the system.  Instead of spending your time contemplating on which goals to set or polishing them, focus on cultivating constructive daily habits, building a system that creates a change in you.   And how to create good habits? There are millions of advices out there...

Do what you love, and you’ll never work another day in your life.   We’ve all heard that on many occasions and from many luminaries. Believers worship it as the antidote to all their sufferings in life. Cynics criticize it as employer’s sugar-coated propaganda to exploits their workers.     For me, ‘do what you love’ means finding that sweet spot in the intersection of one’s purpose, passion, and talents. Bill George calls it the ‘True North’, while Christians named it the ‘true calling’.    I believe there is transformational power when living one’s true calling, not only because its’ universal fame, but more driven by my own journey, tasting the bitterness and sweetness in searching for betterments. Throughout my adulthood, whenever one or more of the three elements is missing, I got stuck, and sometimes, I got lost. And each time when I strove to get closer to the ‘sweet spot’, I found joy, and I thrived from the inside.     The most recen...

Why do most of us complain about work? Why is job satisfaction so important to us? Well, if you spend more than 40 hours a week on something, it’s only natural that you expect many things in return. What if I tell you that the source of energy does not have to be the same as the source of income . And it is possible that work is mainly functioning as a stable financial supporter while your fulfilment comes more from running marathons, playing with the kids and community services. How different does it make you feel? Maybe a sense of relief? It is okay to not wanting so much from work; it’s okay if you cannot find enough meaning and purpose from the job. All that is missing from work can be obtained elsewhere. Perhaps it’s easier to let go? The late night meetings that you could not push back, the endless alignments that diminish your sense of progress, the forgetful colleague who never returns your email.... Knowing something much more important and enjoyable around the corner ma...

  Every time after listening to other experienced parents sharing parenthood tips, ‘thunderstorms’ gather in my head, rolling up all sorts of unwanted feelings like guilt, self-doubt and self-criticism. I would suddenly feel that on the matter of Heng Heng’s upbringing, my standards are not high enough and my plans are too short-sighted, that there are so much more I could do but not sure where to start…. How to break free from the anxiety caused by our own "emotional trap" and face this life-long role as a parent with more calmness and confidence ? The first antidote to anxiety I prescription to myself is called making a clear definition of what a good enough mum is for me. It is not about listing all the relatable standards, but rather about knowing what is more important for your and setting priorities. It is not about being precise and detailed, but rather about distilling the values and principles that matter the most to you. The executions can be improved through...

It might just have been a total coincident that many of those who came to coaching were seeking for a ‘true meaning’ of life, as if none of the meanings a human life has granted them was worthy enough. One young lady was in utterly despair, who claimed that the ‘the guilt of emptiness’ made her want to hide herself and did not dare to look straight into anyone’s eyes. Another gentleman in his early twenties had listed all the social and environmental crises he could think of but could not decide which one to set his heart on. In the journey of coaching them, I could not help wondering why it has become so strenuous for bright young things today to find meanings in their lives? An inspiration came from a kitchen chat with my mum when I asked how she set life goals at a young age. Born just a few years after the establishment of the People’s Republic of China in the 1950’s and grew up through the Culture Revolution, she said that at that time one did not need to look for meaning...